If you try to please ALL, you please NONE
|| Aesop ||
May 20, 2018
Is most of your time spent wondering what others will think if you make a particular decision? Trust me; I'm with you. If you'd like to conquer this draining habit, then read on...
WHEN I REALIZED IT WAS A PROBLEM || After toiling over one of the most significant decisions I have had to make so far, I realized it's an incredibly draining existence to worry about others perception of me constantly. Not only for me but the people around me. They felt the constant need to give me affirmation; that I made the right choice and to assure me that my decisions won't hurt others.
ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER? || If you'd like to learn how to stop being such a people pleaser, Read this article from Psychology Today. For a long time, I felt that being a people pleaser and caring about people were the same thing. Now, I realize they aren't the same AT ALL! I can genuinely and sincerely care about the people around me without having my feelings 'attached' to their feelings.
WHAT I DO TO KEEP MY MIND RIGHT ||
- I don't make decisions quickly. My husband taught me this! I typically allow myself a couple of hours for small things, a couple of days for moderate decisions, and a week or two for major ones. My famous quote these days is, 'let me think about that and get back to you.' A people pleaser will typically answer right away, to make sure the other person involved doesn't feel any rejection. Trust me, saying 'YES' to things with the WRONG motives is worse than saying 'NO' with a kind heart.
- I go with my gut, and don't always buy into 'feelings.' I can carefully and thoughtfully plan out my decisions and how they will affect those around me, but ultimately I have to go with my gut. You can't please everyone; it's impossible! However, you CAN feel confident with your decisions and know that your worry about other's feelings isn't always valid. And please recognize that 'their' feelings are not within your control.
- Healthy Boundaries = Healthy Mind & Body. When I start to worry what other people think, I remind myself that boundaries are essential for my health. I carry my stress in my stomach, and if left unchecked it can get pretty bad. My kids and my husband deserve a healthy Mom/Wife. My team deserves an energized and vigorous leader. Healthy boundaries are obtained by recognizing where YOU END, and someone else BEGINS. And by the way, this book is life-changing on the subject of Boundaries!
HOW TO LEAD AS A REFORMED PEOPLE PLEASER || I don't believe you can be an effective leader if you're worried about other's perception of you. Are you with me? I can't say I've completely figured out this whole leadership thing. But I do know that I apologize when I need to, and adjust my course whenever it makes sense to do so. So the way I lead is by genuinely caring for people, looking out for their best interest, and consistently looking through the lens of our mission as a team.
FINAL THOUGHTS || Making right decisions takes energy, so why should we add to process by questioning ourselves afterward? Leaders aren't meant to be perfect; they are intended to care enough about their people and their mission to make tough decisions and have difficult conversations.
Surround yourself with those who care about the same mission as you. You CANNOT make everyone happy. But you CAN find your tribe and accomplish great things together.
Let's GO CONQUER my friends,
>< Amanda ><